Lawd have mercy people, ah obeah dem obeah di dancehall artiste dem or wha? A pure destruction pon dem inna one week. What a stress! Suss time people, cause di ting dem hot an' ah bun mi ches'! Link me pon firstname.lastname@example.org.
SHE REALLY SWING DEH WAY DEH?
No people, mi refuse fi believe! Smaddy email me deh piece ah suss yah and me keel offa mi chair bout 12 time straight. Dem a say one particular
female artiste deh wid one politician from Barbados. But it get wussarah, di politician is a nex' woman! Dem all a gih specifics wid name and date of travel when di female artiste lef' and go Barbados how much time fih look fi har woman. No people mi refuse fi believe ... mi naw expec' dis, what a stress.
DID ANYONE SAY SUBMARINE?
People, mi get news say di artiste dem a buil' one submarine fi start go foreign inna. Woiii! A joke. But what a way when Mavado did sing di song "cum outta di house mek wi go pon di housetop"him did seem fi know housetop ah di furthest him can go fi see plane ah go foreign. What a stress. Nowadays when people mek joke say "whaapen yuh cyaan put mi inna yuh suitcase an carry mi wid yuuuh?" yuh haffi stop an' look inna dem face fi 10 minute good fi see if dem a smile an' if a joke.
It serious yah now. Look how much artiste lose dem visa one time an' all now no decent explanation, everybody haffi a guess why. But by now everybody muss realize say di Jamaican dem find a way roun' everyting, so like how dem ketch Flippa a try sneek een pon boat, an' even though a joke me a mek, mi feel smaddy soon buil' one submarine fi deal wid di problem. But mi need fi know, most ah dem promotah deh who did book di artiste dem fi show get back dem money yet? What a crosses.
BACK TO MAVADO
Mavado - File
People by now oonu muss did hear say Mavado did crash offah bike. What a bwoy have luck. Di whole a di bike mash up an' him have couple scratch. Amen, God is good. But lookyah now people, when news start spread bout di crash, people all a message me and mi fren dem say Mavado face mash up and all sorta tings. So one man say, him get confirmation say nutten nuh wrong wid him, but whoevah a say Mavado face mash up, obviously nevah know wha him look like before'. People, mi keel ovah 20 time! No sah. Ah did one SAD situation but no sah, deh comment deh nearly mek mi choke. But yeah, Vado, we happy say every ting criss an' yuh face nuh get no more chop an' slash cause yuh wudda haffi call it a day an' retire deh face deh inna one iron mask. Again, bless up say yuh alright.
TALK DI TRUTH PEOPLE
People wha day yah mi go pon Magnum Facebook page an' dem a run one competition bout favourite Magnum Girl fi di week, an' mi see dem list out 'Chin'. Talk di truth now people, ah nuh time fi she retire?! If dem did have one Magnum Bible di fuss verse wudda say 'In di beginning there was Chin.' She cyaan come outta video and promotional modelling now?
Have mercy man, by now yuh shudda a do one next job full-time, cause yuh ah almost 30. Nutten cyaan go so. Smaddy all a say she vote for Chin because she has been with the brand for 'many many years' and represent di brand well. Yuh right bout dat! Oonu need fi have one retirement party fi har now. Eidah dat or go ovah Guinness an' pretend like yuh new.
A CUDDA WHA DIS?
Mi a read Kadine comment dem inna di paper say she waah drop di charge dem 'gainst Rodney now cause she tink him learn him lesson and when she did file 'gainst him she was just angry. Now oonu tell me if dem people yah normal. A toy dem tek di system fah or wha?
If yuh really did get batta-bruise and know say yuh nuh want no police involve an' him go jail, den if you get lick yuh need fi tek yuh lick dem privately an' put een teeth guard an' cotton inna yuh mouth fi prepare fi yuh lick dem. Den you put on yuh make-up and walk an' tell people say yuh lick up inna yuh fan. Yeah. Dat mi say straight. Stop waste di system time if oonu know oonu nuh waah follow tru wid it when oonu accuse man say dem lick out oonu jawbone.