She comes with Baggage

IN the general sphere of things, men tend to travel light, while women have no problem tagging along heavy carry-ons. However, when it comes to relationships, both sexes are equally guilty of carrying excess baggage. The structure and nature of this baggage varies, with some having the potential to weaken a relationship even faster than others. The time at which one party decides to offload their extra weight on an unsuspecting partner is also of significance.

Counselling psychologist Joan Rhule believes that persons should begin to open up about problems that might affect the relationship from as early as courtship. By doing so, both parties can decide whether they want to go forward with the relationship.

"Don't wait until you are married until you begin to open up, because it doesn't make sense; that can create a dilemma," Rhule said.

 Equipment operator Everal Francis agreed, saying that he prefers when a woman is 

upfront with him about her issues from as early as the dating stage.

"From the genesis of the story, and that's from when you start dating," he stated emphatically, before lamenting: "When people think about dating, they are thinking about locking up in a room together, but that is not so."

He said there are just some things he is just not going to accept from a woman, and heading the list of things he disapproves of is a woman who is a habitual cheater.

"They say most men say they don't have anybody and when you check it out, they have somebody else, but that is the same thing with women too," he pointed out.

Entertainment publicist, 34-year-old Ralston Barrette said one of the heaviest sources of baggage a woman takes into a relationship is mistrust, which stems from having been hurt by another man in a previous relationship.

"Sometimes you really love somebody and you're willing to do anything for them, but the simplest things happen and they get very suspicious and that is very irritating," he said. "I think it is a very unfair thing, and you can't use what happened to your previous relationship against me."

Barrette, who had to call off his wedding after discovering that his fiancée "wasn't who she had claimed to be", believes that not everything about a person can be revealed at the onset of a relationship.

"It would be nice if you could know from the get-go, but that is highly impossible, because it is going to take sometime for you to know them," he said.

Rhule agreed that not everything should be divulged, as some things will not have any bearing on the relationship and are therefore better left unsaid. She pointed to a case where a wife disclosed to her husband that she had been molested by her father, only to have her husband taunt and belittle her using the information she had divulged.

"It should not be disclosed if it will not do any good to the relationship. You have to weigh the pros and the cons before you start to open up about everything. If it does not interfere at all emotionally psychologically and in any way, then you don't have to say anything, because not everybody can handle it," she said.

For Francis, there are just some personal issues that he would never expect a woman to reveal to him, especially if there is no chance of him finding it out in the future.

"You have some things that you can leave in the closet. Especially if you know that it is not going to affect the relationship, then you keep it," he said.

But seeing the dilemma some couples face in not knowing enough about a prospective partner before getting deeper, controversial talk-show host Jerry Springer came up with a dating show known as Baggage which is aired on the Game Show Network nightly. The show allows a contestant to go through nine suitcases, each hiding the deepest secrets of three prospective daters. Based on the revelations, the contestant chooses who he or she wishes to date.

The show has no doubt highlighted the fact that people have various acceptance levels when it comes on to just what they are willing to compromise on when it comes to a relationship.

It has also exposed a range of issues that people consider too heavy a burden to bear when settling down with someone. Some women refuse to accept men with too much debt, serial cheaters, men who are already married, ex-convicts, alcoholics, cross dressers and even men with small penises or men with children.

On the other hand, men refuse to accept women with too many male friends, those who had an aversion to sex, those who never want to have a child, those who only want them for sex and those who don't believe in working, among other issues.

Francis believes both parties will always have issues when entering a relationship, but not all of them have the potential to destroy it.

"You have baggage that people can bind together and reason it out and there are others that you just can't get over," he said.